Galileo Figaro Magnifico

My children LOVE going to the dentist. Ah, the innocence of youth.

I had a dentist's appointment on Monday.  It was for a crown and a filling.  I was supposed to get this done over a year ago but have put it off again and again because I have an incredibly intense fear of the dentist.  There's just something about being told that you CAN NOT swallow that severely compels an immediate NEED to swallow as if your very life depends on it.  That, and when I'm nervous I like to talk.  Talk and giggle.  Two things that are impossible when you're mouth is stretched open and there are two pairs of hands rummaging around in there with needles and drills telling you to "keep your tongue back" as if you have some idea just where exactly your tongue is when your mouth is completely numb.

I had to endure two hours of this. Curse you Swedish Fish!

I tried to find a happy place.  First I found myself in Corona del Mar overlooking the ocean where Conway and I shared our first kiss.  Oh, happy place.  But after a few moments I was right back in that dentist's chair.  So I tried returning to my honeymoon.  Turtle Bay.  Hot husband.  Ooh la la.  

Why is this not working?

Photo from Tumbler

Find a happy place. Find a happy place. Find a happy place.

"Move your tongue back, Diana."

Find a happy place.

"Don't swallow."

Find a happy place.

And suddenly, music started flowing through my mind.  

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide no escape from reality. . ."

Bohemian Rhapsody? This is my happy place?  Don't question it, fool! It's working!

"Let me go! We will not let you go. Let me go!"

Mercifully Bohemian Rhapsody is a long song. I think it was the combined effort of trying to remember all those lyrics and picturing the YouTube video (see below) that successfully distracted me.  I probably sang it through half a dozen times before I finally got to open my eyes and swallow freely. 

I have to go back next week and get this temporary crown replaced with the permanent one. 

I can not tell you how much I'd rather fly coach with two screaming kids half way across the ocean again than go back to the dentist. (Oh wait, have I not told you that story? Perhaps another time. For now it would suffice to have you conjure up a memory of your most horrifying, anxiety-driven, embarrassing, annoying experience and then drag it out for six hours. That's what that flight was like.)

But at least I know I just have to channel Freddie Mercury. Or maybe the dude in the aforementioned YouTube video.  My Canadian family introduced me to this gem recently. Watch it. You'll thank me next time you're stuck in the dentist's chair.

PS. When I told him I was going to see the dentist, he cried. Because he wanted to come too.