About seven years ago, my roommate Sara and I did Body for Life. In twelve weeks we sculpted us some rockin' bodies if I do say so myself. We were extremely motivated, self-disciplined (eating cottage cheese on whole wheat bread topped with pasta sauce as a meal), and dedicated (never missing a workout).
A few years later while living in Spain, Conway and I did Body for Life again. After two weeks of pasta and gelato in Italy I really needed it. Again, twelve weeks of eating right, exercise (sometimes improvising workouts on a train or in a hotel room) and dedication led me to another awesome "after" picture.
I believed in Body for Life. I was an enthusiast. An advocate.
So twelve weeks ago I told my next door neighbor Emily all about it. She bought the book, we took hideous "before" photos, and hit the ground running. In twelve weeks I have only missed one workout but have done several two-a-days adding extra cardio and abs nearly every day. I have religiously followed the Eating-for-Life guidelines and rules occasionally cheating with a handful of chocolate chips or a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats. When we went to see Eclipse at the theater, we actually took a tupperware of chocolate protein PB balls as a snack. We have been dedicated!
So here I am on week twelve. The final week. And I am only down TWO POUNDS. Two measly pounds. I was aiming for ten. I was expecting ten. I needed ten.
The great thing about living in Hawaii is that you get to go to the beach all the time. And you practically live in a swimsuit. The bad thing about living in Hawaii is that you go to the beach all the time and therefore practically live in a swimsuit.
After rotating through my three tankinis day after day for the past year, I decided to change things up and put on my bikini the other day.
What followed was an unhealthy amount of time spent scrutinizing myself in front of the mirror.
I love being a mom and I'm so happy I was able to carry and deliver two beautiful babies, but seriously? The stretch marks? The saggy skin? The love handles?
So I went to the beach wearing my tankini and a frown. I looked around. What did I see? There were several families playing and laughing together. The moms were wearing bikinis. Some had cellulite, some had fat, some had stretch marks.
But I wasn't thinking, "Ew that's gross." I was thinking, "Wow, that's awesome. I wish I could do that."
So why can't I?
This is a photo that was recently in Glamour magazine:
That was in Glamour Magazine! And it's awesome! If she can rock it, why can't I?
WHY CAN'T I?
Is it because once upon a time I had a rockin body and I want it back? Is it because I have a closet full of clothes that used to fit and I refuse to buy new ones in a larger size? Is it because I try to live up to the unrealistic standards that have been set by people like this?
(This photo was taken 8 weeks after she gave birth! What?)
Ok, I'll admit it. The answers are yes, yes and sadly, yes.
Now if you'll excuse me, I am off to the beach. And no, I won't be rocking a bikini.
5 comments:
So many things to say. First of all, why can we not live by each other?
Diana, you are so beautiful. Do you know that? But I do have to agree with you that it really sucks that you didn't lose more when you worked so hard. Still though, you are so beautiful. Do you know that?
Is that Heidi Klum in that picture? I hate her. (Or whoever it is for that matter.) Who looks like that 8 weeks after having a baby? Celebrities, that's who. I think I would die if I always had to be in a bathing suit. There is just something depressing about that article of clothing - if you're skinny or not. My fried and I were actually JUST having that conversation a few days ago. Bathing suits can suck it!
You are beautiful. Do you know that? And I love you.
Oh my goodness, my sentiments exactly!!! You said it so perfectly. Thank God that there are sweet little children running around to remind us that it is all worth it, even if there are stretch marks and rolls of disgustingness that won't go away. With all that being said, I'm sure you probably DO look amazing and at least you're healthier for having done your workout program!
You are perfect:)
Loved the post.
Can I just tell you that I LOVE YOUR posts! I must say this made me a little sad... thinking of you working out and eating healthy with your "new" neighbor! I definitely had some jealousy!
No way, was that SEVEN years ago?! Really? Really? Good job completing another 12 weeks, though. That's awesome.
Maybe if WE were neighbors we could have similar results. Clearfield is super exotic, ya know.
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